he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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