After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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