i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
