they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You took a bar mat shot.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
