I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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