Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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