'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
