we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
