I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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