fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
MIDGETS
????
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
