can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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