The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
