The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
