Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
