he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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