Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
