his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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