So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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