If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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