Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Two words: blizzard sex
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
