she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
