I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
