I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
