I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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