What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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