Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
