Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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