You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
