Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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