One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
