what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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