my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
