hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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