Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
