I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
