You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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