I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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