before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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