he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize