Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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