Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
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I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
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After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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