Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
