It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
