so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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