yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
