this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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