what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
