Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
