spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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