I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
