I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
