I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
