We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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