either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
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Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
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And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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