Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
