He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
