dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Randomize
