I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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