We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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