I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
