I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Houston, we have a blender
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
