my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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