god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
