who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
