I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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