yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
