Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
barbara walters just said penis...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
