So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
