Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
