dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize