considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
