I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
