I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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